The New Me And How I Met The Shade

26. march 2017 at 18:34 | Silent Soul |  What I Needed To Get Out of Myself
5th February 2017

I'm not sure where to begin... So many things happened since the last time I wrote.

First, I forgave Her. Of course I did. Not only because She has forgave me what I've done, but mostly because I would never be able to be angry with Her for long. It wasn't Her fault, She has no idea what She did to me... So I forgave Her.

Second, I've changed... That year, 2016, was the worst one in my life. So many bad things happened and I couldn't have taken it any longer.

I used to be a good girl, so innocent, but... I started drinking... And even more.

Something has happened yeasterday (or today, actually). I was on a ball, expecting one boy to be there. Let's call him The One, for example (I know, stupid nickname, but who cares). The One is Her's son and I've been obsessed with him for a very long time. However, there was only his best friend eventually (one of the hottest guys alive, honestly). Let's call him The Shade (okay... there's seriously something wrong with me).

So let's finally get to the point. Something has happened between me and The Shade. I spent half of the night with him - we were dancing, kissing and... I should definitely start at the begining.

The most insane thing about it is that I actually knew what I was coming for. They were the reason, I think I would never happen to appear at the ball, if I didn't know they should be coming. So I knew that I would "spend time" there with either The One or The Shade.

When I found out that The Shade was the only one who came, I knew I had to get him. He's absolutely hot, as I mentioned, so I kind of didn't care whether he's Her's son or not. I just wanted to take him to some dark part of that place and let him fuck me.

So I got to him somehow - I don't even know how this has happened, I was drunk already. But we danced first and it was getting closer and closer... I think some of you know what I mean. But I still remember the first moment he kissed me. It felt amazing, he's really good (and not only with kissing, as I found out later).

When he asked me to leave with him I knew that was my chance. We went to an empty room and he started to take my clothes off. I was so exited... He touched me everywhere and he was so good at it that I wasn't able to keep silence at all.

Before I write something more, you should know I'm still a virgin. It's quite unusual for people in my age, but as I wrote before - I used to be a good girl, waiting for the right one and stuff... Luckily, I'm done with it.

Unfortunately, we found out that neither of us had a protection. So I've finished him with my mouth. And I absolutely enjoyed it, I can't wait to do it to him again... Well, if we meet again someday. He told me I had to write him, so I would. And we'll see what happens next, I finally want to get rid of the virginity. And I'm sure it would be amazing to lose it with him. The body he has... Oh my God. I'm wet just by looking at him.

I sitll remember the words he said to me.

"I wanna fuck you," he said. "I wanna fuck you every day." I liked it. Loved it. And now I want it.

But even if I enjoyed it, there's still a part of me which thinks that it wasn't right... I hate that part, but it's still a part of me. It's like a huge part of the girl I used to be once stayed there, at the ball. I'm not who I used to be anymore. But I needed it, the change. I wouldn't be able to keep living the same way I used to, because it just hurted too much. So I just stopped caring about some things and I feel much better now. Not completely, but I'll be okay eventually. I have to be.

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