How I Lost My Innocence

23. august 2017 at 23:05 | Silent Soul |  The Shade
23 rd August 2017

"I really need you
I really need your love right now
I'm fading fast, not gonna last
I'm really stupid
I'm burning up and going down
I'm in it bad, don't even ask."

- Robin Schulz, OK

So many thing happened since the last time I wrote... First, I've lost my virginity as planned. But it doesn't matter. When you experience it, you realize that it's only sex and it doesn't matter whether it's first or second or third... It's always just sex. And I also didn't care back then. 31st March 2017 was the day. And it was with The Shade, as I wanted it to be... He seemed to be perfect. He didn't care, I didn't care. He was handsome and with that kind of body every girl has to desire for. Bud I had no feelings for him. Not before...

However, almost half a year later, I absolutely love him. How is that possible? It was only once - once! But we kept in touch and I fell in love with him... Not with his body. With his soul, with himself. You would understand if you knew him... He's always been so kind to me, so caring. But unfortunately, he doesn't want this. He doesn't want relationship, he wants to be free. I wanted that to once, but then he appeared and changed everything.

I feel like nothing matters anymore. Why do we have to live such a life? It's always like this. I forget one pain just to get hurt again. It's like a wheel that never stops. I only wish I could break it...

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